because it's Monday!

The strawberries were ripe, and what was I going to do with a gigantic 17 oz. bar of Belgian bittersweet chocolate?  Who needs a special occasion?  I ran out of berries, so I dipped some bananas, but I still had some chocolate left... so I sat down with a glass of milk and a spoon, and I don't feel bad. I feel great.  Anyone wanna come over for dessert tonight?

Sugar and Spice

It is so enjoyable to be a mother of girls.  Not babies, but real, full-fledged, pink-draped, glitter-loving GIRLS.  We had a lovely day today, playing with the dollhouse, dressing up, giggling, and taking pictures.  I loved it so much, we had a delightful interaction, lunch was eaten without complaint, and finally, a nap was calmly and happily taken (and is still in progress).  I want to be a patient woman, one who can be confided in, a mother who is trusted with the delicate treasures that lie in the heart of sensitive little peanuts.  Rowan and Genevieve are at a difficult age, as one might have gathered by previous posts, but they are also at a very wonderful age, where the things that they learn on a daily basis are quickly displayed, and their need for affirmation is painfully obvious.  They communicate so eloquently, with their body language as much as their words, and I find that I can miss so much of what they are telling me, if I get caught up in being a mom who just wants everything to be easy, or convenient, or ...clean...

I just really want to be present in this time of their lives.  I catch myself wishing I could fast forward a bit.  Jump to "potty training complete!" or, "Jude nurses every 4 or 5 hours", or "wow, those girls speak in very clear and complete sentences!", or presently, "they stay in bed at night, once we tuck them in".  Ah, but so much would be missed, even though some trials would be skipped.  I am trying to consider this, like other obstacles in my life, as character building.  It feels like character cracking, though, sometimes.  But I just need to keep mornings like this one in my heart and mind, like little snapshots, available to be pulled out and relived, when the not-so-sweet moments threaten to overwhelm me.

So my question right now is - when you tell your kid that a certain consequence will follow a certain disobedient act, but you realize that this particular consequence was not appropriate, maybe, do you follow through anyway, to be consistent, or do you drop it, and move on from there, considering it a lesson learned for Mommy?  I am perhaps answering my own question.  Ah, the joy of being wrong, and squirming in the knowledge!  Progress is so hard to see when you are right in the thick of it.

here and there

So I 'm not really sure why I bother writing some things down here - I sometimes think that the computer is like that friend you talk to every day, discuss daily details with, vent to, etc.  Basically, my husband, if my husband were available at odd times during the day.  Writing it here helps me remember later when he wants to know how my day was!  So the bedtime blues are up and down, some days are good, some days are awful.  I guess I am using a combination of tactics to keep the twins in bed, and progress is very slow.  I feel partially as if I should have made the transition to a toddler bed at 18 months, and partially as if they should still be in a crib, with a crib tent.  I just found out that those actually exist... not sure what I think of that...

Jude is sick again.  The girls are also, but it's just not so worrisome with 2 year olds as it is with a 2 month old.  It's just the season, I guess, but it is really frustrating, because we hardly go out, and still the sickness finds us.  This time through Dan.  Poor guy, he had it really bad.  And now he has decided to go on a diet.  I flat out refused to do it with him, no way!  I am nursing, and I find it hard enough to get enough food without restrictions.  Plus, my kids need their carbs!  And their fruit. I feel like an un-supportive wife, but he can get through his two weeks, and then I will work on modifying all of our carb intake to whole grains... sigh.  I will say this though, that South Beach diet really works.  We did it a few years ago, and it was amazing.  

My girls are lots of fun in between nap and bedtime... they are very funny and affectionate.  They have been fighting a lot, though, and it's kind of amusing.  If Rowan is in the bedroom, and hears Genevieve say "no" about something in the living room, she yells "yes!" from her room, regardless of what's happening in the living room, and Vivi just says "no!" again, and they go back and forth for a while, arguing about absolutely nothing, just being contrary to each other.  I generally let this go, I need to pick my battles, and they are going to fight, no matter what I do.  But they are really good at apologizing and making up.

Troubled Times

I am so frustrated, I don't know what to do with myself.  Should I be taking action to be consistent and stern in disciplining my children?  should I relax and not expect too much from my two year olds?  Neither one seems like the proper course of action.  Neither one gives me peace.  I am praying for myself, for patience, for creativity, for wisdom, and I am praying for them.... "God, let them understand and behave!  Please! Please!"  I feel like knocking their heads together, and I feel like banging my head against a wall... but I don't think either one would be a good idea.  If they aren't constantly getting out of bed and running down the hall, they are biting each other in their beds, or emptying the contents of their bureau onto the floor.  What once was peaceful time in the afternoon is now a tense time of testing boundaries and heightening blood pressure.  I was way too lucky with the first 2 years of their life, but now that they are 2, I am paying for it.  The baby is improving in his behavior, and the girls are just wallowing in being contrary.  Times like these I am intensely jealous of my old life, the one where there was just me and Dan, and no one else.  I love these little people so much, but it isn't easy to keep it together day in and day out, when it seems that there is no way to exact the response that I am looking for.  I wish I knew just how much was testing, how much willful disobedience, how much misunderstanding, how much just clingy toddlers wanting to be where Mommy is.... can't someone put it into a pie chart for me and then give me directions to fix it all?  A script to follow?  A formula guaranteed to get results?  Come on, people...  oh, It doesn't work that way?  ok... back to praying...