Today

Today I feel unflappably calm.  Nothing can ruffle my feathers.  It's a nice feeling to just roll with it; whatever "it" may be.  

today I am enjoying a big Wawa coffee, made exactly the way I like it.

TODAY a woman asked me what the age difference was between my two daughters.  I should have been a smart-ass and told her "4 minutes", but that didn't occur to me until later.  They were even wearing the same outfit in the same color, which almost never is the case.

Today I shook off the sleepies and got up to the playground before lunch.  This, also, is almost never the case.  I think I will make it a priority to do that more often.  I might actually meet some of the other women and children who live here on campus.  I found out that there are over 30 kids under the age of 18.  I had no idea - I thought there were perhaps 10.  I know that I can be a homebody, but jeez!  

Today all 3 kids are asleep at the same time, and I think I shall follow suit.

more fun than we know what to do with

                                     Genevieve
                                    Rowan
Solemn preparations for the cookie making extravaganza. Why does silly blogger reverse the order of my photos? Does it have something to do with selecting "center" for the format today?  Annoyance!  Oh well.  So we have been having a good day so far.  I have decided that since we are stuck at home for the most part, I will try my hardest to make home the most desirable place to be.  That includes making things clean, so it's a work in progress at best.  But I have plans, and that is a good feeling.  I can't really plant things, so I am considering a container garden on the porch. hmmmm, I guess we'll see, I have never had much of a green thumb.  
I made some play-dough today while the girls slept.  I never knew it was so easy!  Well, I did, only I never made the cooked kind, and it's so much better!  plus, I can make it whatever color I want...

Poor kids, they are in for it.  They're just getting down the basics of color, and here comes Mommy with a tray of play-dough with names that read like a J. Crew catalogue.  No honey, that's not red, it's paprika.  Let your sister use the mulberry dough... no, the purple one!  I give up, pass me the green.  No primary color schemes for these artsy-fartsy toddlers!  Now, if I can only keep them from mixing up the colors... (Laughing)...  Actually, I don't know if my camera has captured the true subtlety of these dough balls and their hues... I think I need to paint.

So wow, pandora has got my number... it's like an autobiographical radio station today!  It's the perfect thing to blog to... it makes me feel like me, past and present, and who knows, maybe they'll throw me something new to move into the future with!

falling in love again

I am falling in love again... and not with my husband. I am still in love with my husband, of course, he is so very awe-some.  

But I am falling in love with my kids again. We have recently been having a bit of a rough time, terrible twos and all of that, but this week, there has been a wonderful explosion. An explosion of everything, really; they are suddenly communicating so clearly, multiple new things coming out every day. They are imagining so independently, using funny voices, telling me all sorts of things, counting, saying their ABC's, speaking in paragraphs, it's just hilarious and fun. Now for the potty training to kick into high gear. That part is up to me, of course. They are letting me know that they are getting ready, so I had better get ready, too.  And Jude, he is just a dream (aside from waking up every 3 hours at night)... who could resist those cheeks and thighs! He is growing so fast, and his personality is mostly sunshiny.  I can't believe the spellcheck didn't balk at that.  So sunshiny is a word... must try it in a game of scrabble.  Oh, I am just so glad that we are having fun, since we're housebound during the week!  And I love Mondays, too, because my Mom comes to help me out, and the girls just love it as well.  So I'm feeling good, and so are my little ones, and for that I am thankful. 

     I just wanted to share some of my favorite pictures from recent days; top to bottom: (1)Tea party on the porch, Rowan in red shorts (2)Tummy time (3)Genevieve and Gypsy (4)Genevieve in her choice of outfits (5)Nude Jude (6) Rowan and a feather.  Fun, fun, fun!

of cabbages and kings...

It has been difficult to blog lately.  Not only am I challenged in the area of time, but now I have to do it standing up! And that's not really my favorite thing, not when I have 3 kids asleep and should be sleeping myself.  Pecking away at the keyboard from bed, well, ok, I'll spend a little time on the computer.  But standing up?  Blech.  And that is honestly the entire reason why I haven't posted in so long.  The airport burned out or something (that's a technical term), and so I have to plug in directly to the ethernet cable.  Putting  a crib in the bedroom pretty much blasted our plans for a desk / computer area, so I am typing at the bureau, which is decent standing height, at least.  

This is how Rowan wakes up in the morning. I can only surmise that she does a lot of head turning, or some vigorous thrashing.  I call it her sleepy snarl.  She wakes up from her nap like that, too.  It's really quite wild.  And I love it.  It reminds me of me, I guess, as a little squirt.

This is how Genevieve emerges from sleep.  Pretty much perfect. This has earned her the nickname of Hollywood Hair, to which she replies, "Name Geneveive. Noelle. Costa."  Pretty much all of their sentences come out like this, as if each word were a statement in itself.  I quite enjoy it.  She loves her name, which makes me happy.  I hope that she always does. Rowan has a bit of a harder time pronouncing Elizabeth. Generally it comes out, "Iiiiiiiiiiffff".  She'll get there.  

I have been blessed with really cuddly children.  It works for me, because I am a cuddly person, and never get tired if little arms around my neck, impromptu kisses, and sleepy heads on my shoulder.  Except when it is 90 degrees out. Thank God for air conditioning.  Really.  Yesterday was kinda rough.  Much better today, with the big noisy window unit pumping full blast.  It's annoying, but so worth it.  Jude is the coddliest of them all, I think.  I just lulled him to sleep.  He really fights it sometimes.  I laid him in his crib and he started wailing with desperation the second I began to lower him down.  Stinker.  So I let him be for a bit, reinstalled the pacifier a few times, sang a little song.  His eyes are so heavy, but he still keeps throwing up both legs and banging them down, clutching at his face.  It's not always like this, maybe he was overtired.  But what finally got him to relax, was me holding both his hands up by his head in his favorite sleep position, and then bending down and squashing my face into his neck.  It took about 20 seconds.  He really likes being smothered with cuddles. 

Oh, that little nerd!  he is awake already!   Ok, time to eat something before I am in demand again.

Me and Fatty Mcgee

So here we are, looking a bit tired, ok, very tired.  But happy.  We had a good day today. Yesterday, not so much. But If I can continue in this day to day, new mercies, let go of control thing that I am working on, then we are heading in a good direction.  We just enjoyed each other today, all of us.  

Jude was happy and fat and delicious as per usual, and the girls were sweet and funny.  we played outside for a bit in the wetness, ran around the house, and were silly.  Dan called out sick, and after sleeping in for a good, long time (he averages 4 hours of sleep a night), he offered to stay with the girls and Jude so that I could go out! Blessed man.  But in a sick twist of fate, he called me half an hour into my excursion, because he had started throwing up on his sick day.  I have to say, as unexpected as my outing was, I had to fight back tears to have it so quickly taken away again.  But he tried, poor guy, and it was greatly appreciated.  And I did manage to score a little, hot-pink book, entitled "potty training sucks".  It has been making me giggle already this evening. 

After dinner, the girls actually played in their room for a couple of minutes (literally), and I got to whip out a notebook and make some quick sketches of the world's wiggliest live model.  He didn't really want to keep still, but hey, I drew something.  I honestly can't remember the lat time I did that!  It felt nice, and I didn't get frustrated, even though I was less than thrilled with the results.  It was practice, and it was better than nothing.  I must remember that I can squeeze a bit of practice into my regular day, without having hours set aside.  Lesson learned.  Hopefully there will be more days like this... 3 kids is just rough, when they are so little!  Two was not too bad, once a strategy was worked out, and I got to go wherever I wanted, basically, as long as I had the double stroller... but for now we are housebound, and we are learning to make it bearable, even enjoyable.

waiting for the sea change

Ah, life.  One day running into the next, never-ending chores, "didn't I just finish this?".  It's hard for me to separate the weeks from one another, let alone the days.  I don't like this fact.  I suppose it is up to me to make each day different and special.  I feel a bit guilty, but I must admit that this idea makes me feel exhausted.  Sometimes it's easy, but some days I am just struggling to maintain composure, or to stay awake.  It's like a hamster wheel that just doesn't let up.  Punctuated, of course, by some very, very delightful moments.  I can't pretend that it's all bad; 2 year olds can be hysterical, and also very sweet.   And the fat legs of a three month old are delicious, even on the grumpiest of days.  

It's just that I get this nagging feeling that I should be accomplishing more in a day, or creating something, or just having some adult relationships.  I miss my friends.  I can't go anywhere without a babysitter (my little civic doesn't fit 3 car seats), and honestly, where would I go?  Not to the store, can you imagine?  there wouldn't be room for anything in the cart but babies!  I remember feeling like this with the twins, before I figured out a strategy for getting around.   I know that this is just a season, and I really want to enjoy Jude's babyhood while it lasts, but I am feeling like I have lost my identity to these children, and I fear I might never get it back.  Not that I don't expect my character to be altered and improved by motherhood, but there is more to me than Mommy, and I need those other parts of me to really be fulfilled and happy.  Jeez, I blogged about this after the girls were born, I think, this identity crisis of mine, but I did not expect this season to be extended with the birth of another child.  Not so soon, anyway. 

 

I read back over an old draft that I never posted, and wow, I was terrified when I found out that I was pregnant again. Out of my mind scared.  I knew what I was in for, and I knew that it would be really difficult.  And it is,  it so is.   I get out of the house so rarely... Dan is sweet enough when he is home on saturdays to send me out alone, just to have some time to myself, and I usually end up reading parenting books at Borders.  Lame, lame, lame-o!  Sounds like a Rachel Ray ingredient.  I got such a charge out of unexpectedly running to the store to buy diapers on a weeknight last week!  I am embarrassed to admit it, but there it is. Seriously, I had the window down as I drove, and I was singing and laughing in a slightly hysterical manner, just feeling so free for about 15 minutes!  I wonder if I am a little depressed.  I feel like a single mom, sometimes, with Dan working 2 full time jobs, but that is what needs to be done for now.  That too, is just a season.  I can't really feel like a single parent, because I know that I have love and support and a man who, if I really needed him to, would drop everything to come home and pick up the pieces, glue me back together, and kiss the bruises all better.  

So I have the three kids that I am meant to have, and they are fantastic.  I just can't wait until we can all go out in one car, and go bowling together, maybe with some other friends.  Or just leave them ALL with one pair of grandparents for a night, without having to worry about getting back to nurse a baby!  I am praying that I take advantage of this time at home with them on a more regular basis.  I hope I don't sound like I hate my life... more days than not, I don't.  I am just looking forward to having a better grip on things.  It's a gradual process,  I know... there probably won't be an actual sea change moment, just a day in the future when I realize that we're getting there.

projects, toddler hygiene, and laughs

This morning, Rowan grabbed my facial moisturizer off of the bathroom sink, exclaimed "chapstick!" and proceeded to rub the bottle on her armpits.  I guess she's got a few years to figure it out.

The pig is poised to jump, and the owls are wary.
Do I have control issues?  I do NOT like to be told which color crayon to use!  Genevieve is constantly handing me a new color, "here... here... here" and is not the slightest bit ruffled when I take it and put it down, while trying to complete whatever masterpiece was already underway with another color.  She just picks it back up... "here, Mommy". Rowan, on the other hand, demands a change.. "no-no, Mommy, no more purple!",  when I politely explain that I would like to finish with the purple crayon.  Maybe I should just take the new crayon and switch gears, but no sooner do I do this, then a new one is handed to me, "here, Mommy, here...".  Girls, don't you understand, this is Mommy's only creative outlet?Well, almost.  The nubbly knitting in the previous post has become this hat, the second run-through of a design that still is not working out... it looks cute, but it falls off at the slightest movement.  It fit well until I added the scalloped edging, which stretched everything out, somehow.  Aaaargh. I guess it just shows my inexperience.  Time to rip it out and start over for the third time, I suppose.  It should be a delicious cream puff of a hat, if I can ever get the fit right!