my own brand of productive

Today I got my driver's license renewed. There was no line, and Jude was quietly cooperative. They let you approve the photo before printing, so I made the kind man redo it 3 times... I can honestly say that I look semi-normal, and my eyes are opened all the way. I proudly stashed my still-warm-from-the-machine-card in my wallet, went into the grocery store, went through the checkout line, and found that my wallet was gone. I just had it! What?? After a few brief but panicky moments of wondering if the Artful Dodger had followed me into the Giant (moments which included a perverse 4-year-old insisting, "No! Don't pull me! I don't want to go fast! You can't make me run!"), I found my wallet on the floor of the car. I went back into the store, paid for my groceries, and came home. Once home, I flopped on the sofa and proceeded to fill out paperwork for the triple kids' dentist appointment that we have scheduled for 9am tomorrow. What excitement fills my days! No, really, these are wild times. I'm feeling slightly breathless.

little struggles

My daily struggle is with the amount of repetition. Tell the child to get dressed. Again. Again. Set a timer, explain what is expected, explain what the consequence will be if task is not completed. Give a half-time-gone warning. Calmly administer consequence. Go over with child to make sure the child understands. Tell the child to brush teeth. Again. Again. Set a timer, oh, you get it. Why doesn't the kid get it? I have no idea, but I know that me pitching a fit isn't going to help a child learn about acting appropriately. Oh, but it might relieve the pent up lava that is churning hotly in my chest...

They will get it, it's just that they need more patience from me, more consistency, more properly modeled behavior. There are so many mistakes that I make over and over again, and I'm sure that someone is shaking His head, and wondering when it will finally click for me.
Extending grace, and loving me anyway.

Extend a little grace to me tonight, I just wasn't feeling life drawing. But when I just draw from my imagination, it's definitely weak. I need to find a way to bring the two together better.

black chair

Chair. Quick sketch, not my usual subject matter. You know how I like the figure, but this was nice and simple and fun.

In enjoying getting a little grubby with vine charcoal. It's making me itch for a giant canvas and the smell of oil and turpentine. Oh love. It won't be long now, I'm determined.

Oh my numb fingers...

I am completely at a loss tonight. I did a drawing, so that's good. One thing to check off the list...however, my fingers have been going numb when I draw, but mostly when I'm drawing with too much control or something. So I put down the pen and picked up done charcoal. Man I love charcoal!

It has been a long but pleasant weekend. I could've used more snow, but otherwise, it was pleasant. Now I am tired and brain dead. I am swirling a bit, emotional and foggy. My kids are wonderful, and they are also trying my patience. I need to move forward, toward something. That's something that I am not good at. Taking steps. Taking a deep breath and walking. Making an effort toward a goal. This really scares me. I don't like to set goals for myself, because then I might fail. Dumb reason, I know. So here goes. If I can post drawings when I am so out of practice, for anyone to see, I can put myself out a little farther on the limb.

obligatory onion

I'm sure it shows... Guilt Drawing addendum to last nights post. I was so lazy, I used a very crappy #2 pencil and nothing else. Bored at the start results in a boring drawing. But I am still practicing, so it can't be a complete loss! Interrupted by a child grabbing the onion and divesting it of its layers. I should've thanked him.

You are getting very sleepy...

There is something heavy dragging my eyelids down. Not sure what it is, but if it doesn't stop, I'm gonna fall asleep.

There are power tools in the living room.

There are three kids asleep in their beds, and for some reason, I feel jealous.

There is a sprouted onion on my kitchen counter. I was going to draw it, but instead, I will tell you about it. Imagine an onion. Small, pinkish-gold, flaky, with a couple of black spots near the top. Pale green scalliony leaves are busting out of the top in a 6 inch curve.

And... Now we're all asleep. Goodnight...

4 years ago, my blog was funnier

I was just as much a worry-wart, but I was at least witty about it. Was it the pregnancy hormones? Now I just fester humorlessly. I think about my three small ones, and I worry. I think about how amazingly special they are, and how there are so many people with whom they will come into contact, who just won't get it. I worry about how, when someone doesn't see the quirky wonderful perfection, my small person will feel sad, and rejected, and maybe it won't be enough that I see it.

I don't want to think so negatively. Sheesh, what a downer of a post. Lemme switch gears slightly. A certain six year old said to me tonight, when I assured her that her feet would warm up under the covers, that her body was like a house or a ship, and the warmness was going to come in and fill it up, and the coldness would disappear, like when we turn on our heater. This child thinks in similes quite often. It's enjoyable. It's the way she shows me her understanding. I love it. I'm sure I can't be the only one who will.

So, here you are. Little girl in the grass. Not just 5 minutes, but hey, I'm drawing.