shadow or light?

There are days when I don't know which end is up. When my stomach jumps with unexplained butterflies, and not the good kind. A small surge of fear that grabs me from out of nowhere, over and over again throughout the day. Tears that well up, that I want so badly to control, but can't. When I keep praying for help, for peace, and yet small pressures keep mounting and I can't see clearly.

Some days are just like that for me. Not many, though, thankfully. Those days pass, and I realize that reality doesn't need to overwhelm me.

I find myself thinking that I just have a problem; that other people float through their days on a cloud of contentment, mostly untouched by the stresses that I wrestle with. I know that this is not true, can't be true, and yet I sit here believing it on some level. I also wonder if I have a bit of bi-polar disorder, or am I just overly sensitive? Who cares, really. Because peace is available for the asking, and joy is not elusive. It is given in so many small gifts every day, if I only have the sense not to chuck it out the window.

Today is one of those normal days, where I can see both the shadow and the light, and simply have to choose my focus. Why I don't always make the right choice is beyond me, but I'm working on that.