and life...

I have my hand on Dan's calf as he plays on the floor with he kids, building Legos. I can feel a vein, pulsing with faint but vital rhythm, a miracle to my mind. It makes me think of when the twins were born, cut from my abdomen with a scalpel, perfect and tiny, round headed, fuzzy shouldered. Alive with a mysterious life, that seemingly sprung from nothing inside of me, grew, started kicking and making themselves known.

I can never seem to touch this mystery, get my hands on it. Kids, where there were no kids. A husband who feels like a part of me, when I didn't grow up with a soul mate. A story that changed and moved and has more chapters ahead than have yet been read. I sit back and look wonderingly at these four other people who are intertwined in my heart, woven in and around, closely laced. This is what I am amazed by today. It doesn't mean that I don't lose my temper and yell sometimes, and it doesn't mean that I go through my days serenely sure that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. It just means that I am trying to notice the wonder among all the dead pine needles on my living room floor.

There. 5 min drawing, ok more than that, but whatever, it's just an exercise, right? even if my favorite part is the shadows from my arms trying to snap a picture.