These are days...

These days are good days. We have had some house guests, yes, 4 extra people in our 2 bedroom apartment. It has been good. I like having other people around, it keeps me on top of my game, doing the best job I can at both parenting and housekeeping. I like that accountability. I have enjoyed cooking for them, too. A year ago I might have found the prospect a bit daunting, but this has been great. Three year old Lillie turned to me last night in the middle on the meal and said, "Aunt Emowee, you make the best dinnuh fowever (dinner forever)". There's nothing like a sincere child's compliment.

Tonight was a little rough. Not with our guests, but with my own kids. Each one suffered a spell of nasty attitude and had to bear the consequences of it. I was ok with the older two, but little Jude just somehow broke my heart. Perhaps it's a matter of his being so little, so I am unsure of what he really can process... but mostly I think that I just lost my temper with him, and so responded more severely than the situation really warranted. And I HATE that. It's not who I want to be, not ever. Of course, he forgives so liberally. Putting him to bed, I sang to him, "he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the Shadow of the Lord", and when he lifted his head off my shoulder to kiss me when I was done, he immediately pointed to the tears on my cheeks, "dat", "dat" (that), and took the silky corner of his little beloved pillow, and wiped them away. What a sweet little manling, not even two yet, caring for me in such a sweet and simple way. Sigh.

Tomorrow. A day with no mistakes in it. If only my mistakes were due to overindulgence in daydreams, like Anne Shirley's, and not fits of temper. Ah, well, that's what grace is for. And I am thankful for it.

really?

October has come and gone with nary a blog post from me. Huh. That happened ridiculously fast. I have been spending most of my internet time tending my etsy shop and communicating briefly with people about basic, day to day items. Not much surfing the web, leisurely reading up on the doings of distant friends, or really anything other than the most practical of transactions.

Working on numerous little projects, working at the frame shop once a week, taking care of the small people who need me. Trying to stay up on the laundry, trying to do more than just tread water. This in itself has been a challenge, but I am finding that I may be emerging from a bit of a fog into what could be better days. More days that contain a purpose that I acknowledge. This is life right now, and though I have been letting it fly through my fingers a bit too quickly, I am starting to feel equipped again to engage my whole self.