weakness. honesty.

Oh man, I'm such a better parent when Dan is with me! This partnership thing is no joke:  when I'm a CrankyMomma, Dan swoops in and saves the day. He gives me room to breathe and gives the smallies the gift of patience that I was unintentionally withholding.  When he loses his mind,  I can somehow find some extra grace and calm, and balance things out.  It's like we hand each other the gifts of otherness, and don't judge the areas in one another where we may lack.  

But man, on Friday, when I've been doing the bulk of the parenting for a few days, I am one touchy beast. I'm so glad it's Saturday. Saturday makes me feel like I've been to the spa. It's that refreshing to see my sweet little beans through he eyes of their Daddy, who's been missing them all week! I get all emotional at how cute and funny they are, because my best friend colors all I see. And because they really are pretty awesome.  

Collaboration with Jude: thunder and lightening. Graphite and marker.  It's all practice. And it's all the real thing.  

what am I trying to do?

I'm having a rough go of it, artistically. I feel as though, when I am really pleased with something, it's just an echo of something else. A copycat of something I admire. I'm trying to use the painters I love as inspiration, but it keeps on feeling like plagiarism. I ought to have a style at this point. I should commit, but I can't. I love quirky, off kilter drawings that come from my mind. I love color field paintings, I adore fauvism.  I want to make book illustrations that suck you into an alternate universe, and I want to do it all with the believability and mastery of realism. That's all, really. Oh to make it interesting, lets throw in a distinctly arts and crafts feel. Ok? 

Yeah, just working through some stuff.

quick one

The kids are all in my bed watching a movie(with the unfolded laundry), so naturally I am in Jude's toddler bed, blogging. Yep. That's me, scrunched on a crib sized mattress with my feet up on the daybed sides.  Because that's what makes sense to my brain. Is it possible to have developed ADD in my twenties? I mean, for the love of Pete, I really make some nonsensical moves, all based on my inability to put off whatever hairbrained scheme has popped into my mind. I should stop reading the symptoms of adult ADHD online. It could just be extreme left-brainness.

Today, I drew a quickie in the car line, waiting to pick up the fairie-elves that I call daughters.  Five minutes on a grocery receipt, with a pen I 'borrowed' from the bank. Eh. I like the crinkly paper most.