what am I trying to do?

I'm having a rough go of it, artistically. I feel as though, when I am really pleased with something, it's just an echo of something else. A copycat of something I admire. I'm trying to use the painters I love as inspiration, but it keeps on feeling like plagiarism. I ought to have a style at this point. I should commit, but I can't. I love quirky, off kilter drawings that come from my mind. I love color field paintings, I adore fauvism.  I want to make book illustrations that suck you into an alternate universe, and I want to do it all with the believability and mastery of realism. That's all, really. Oh to make it interesting, lets throw in a distinctly arts and crafts feel. Ok? 

Yeah, just working through some stuff.