the slope.

There's a hill I pass on the way to work. I used to pass it every day, and always, always wanted to paint it. Now I pass it once a week at most. The trees are bigger, quite a bit bigger, than they used to be. It takes trees a long time to grow, I've noticed. Yes. I am so sharp.

My point being, that time is passing, and I am mostly unaware of how much of it is really receding quickly. So very quickly. This isn't really one of those posts about how fast the years fly, and pay attention, it's precious. It is. But now and then it takes me by surprise how, when I lump certain life events into "that just happened recently", I have to suddenly recategorize them into "that happened years ago"!

I'm gonna go ahead and make a little picture of my beloved slope. Better late than never!

Pastel on board:

Oh honey honey

I may not have much worth while to say tonight. The kids are well, the refrigerator is clean and emptied of a lot of creepy, unrecognizable food. The laundry is somewhat caught up. Of course, I'm working tomorrow, so that will not be the case for much longer. C'est la vie.

A drop of honey. Apparently my honey is unadulterated and is truly honey. Pastel on board.

just keeping on

Ah, yes, it's almost May, and I am a ginormous slacker. Can you believe the spellcheck allows me to type 'ginormous'? Ridiculous. Huge-antically ridiculous. Well, this fine weather has meant that we are spending a lot of time out of doors, and consequently, falling asleep early! We all fell asleep putting the kids to bed last night, and tonight was extended family time. So sorry New Year's Resolution, you are being sidestepped for Spring.

No drawing tonight, I just needed to hang with my husband, Skype with my sister-in-law, and catch up on Call the Midwife. In other news, the kids are all doing well health-wise, and we have a well-check for the girls in 3 days. So hopefully their lungs will be sounding good. A little allergy meds seem to be helping, and I will ask about trying to step down the inhaled steroid ASAP. And then to no meds, at least for the summer. I feel so much peace in general right now, it's a delight.

What an enormously beautiful weekend. I do have some drawings planned, I will get started again tomorrow! Plus a mural to begin, so that oughtta be fun. Goodnight, Dear Void!

family project

The morning was rough for us, I was not enjoying my kids' lack of enthusiasm for daily tasks. I decided that once I dropped the girls at Kindergarten, I would not go back and perpetuate the unpleasant pattern. So Jude and I had a date. It started with a woodsy ramble, there was gelato and chai in the middle, and it ended with a playground. Then we scooped up the girls, and went home.

We continued to ignore the indoors and started a project out on the porch. We planned a family game night for this evening, and I had it in my head to play parcheesi. But we don't have a board, so I figured we could make one. We found a perfectly sized piece of plywood in the basement and plunged right in. Sanding, gesso, some fairly quick research and lines drawn, then the paint!

Admittedly, I didn't think the color scheme through... Teal, purple, coral, and pale yellow. Yeah. I handed each kid a cup of one color and a brush, told them to do their best to stay in the lines, and before we knew it, we were done! Kind of.
After it dried, I sanded a bit, brushed a bit of glaze to tone it down, and drew the lines again... The first run of parcheesi went so-so. We will definitely do it again.
Cause we've got this big honking board now...

keeping track, sorry...

To tell you the truth, the last thing I want to do here is chronicle my kid's asthma journey. Honestly, it's not that interesting. It's just a heartache for me, and I think it actually might be a good idea for me to be writing this stuff down. As I have, anyway, not clinically, but in my own way.

So these posts may contain this lungy stuff, on and off. Sorry. I want it gone, too.

So last night we went to an allergist/asthma specialist. The point was to have Genevieve tested for allergies to see if that could be playing a role in her asthma. I wasn't expecting to walk away with a full pediatric asthma action plan, and a follow-up appointment. I don't know if this is good or bad. Like our pediatrician, this doc wants Genevieve on a daily preventative dose of an inhaled steroid. This is not ideal, but if it would eliminate the need for the prednisolone that she takes when she gets really sick, it would be better. But at least we know that pollen and dust mites are allergens for her, as well as colds.

Legit 5min:

making my peace

I need to accept what I can't change. Right? And have the courage to change what I can. I need to go to an AA meeting, apparently. Actually the serenity prayer was on the wall of my home growing up, and never realized that it was used as the AA motto. Anyway, it has a lot of wisdom packed in there.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change those things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Or something like.

I'm working on making peace. I'm unsure of the reason why, when I hear one of my kids cough, I am filled with a cold fear. I have never had to bring a kid to the ER because of an asthma attack. I have always been helped by our pediatrician, and put a prescribed plan into action. I just want so badly for my kids to not get sick. Ever. At least, let a normal cold stay a normal cold and not last for ever. But that's not going to happen. I need to make peace with that. They may outgrow their asthma completely. Or not. Or one may, and the other may not. I need to make peace with that. I also need to do what I can to improve their chances of staying healthy, and recovering quickly. Better air quality, whole foods, omega 3's, less dairy (oh how my heart breaks at the thought of none at all!). Vitamins. Local raw honey.

Action, and peace. Serenity. What a beautiful word.

can't stop smiling...

Allow me to tell you about Laser Duck. He is a super hero of sorts. He positions himself just right... Opens his beak wide... Quacks VERY loudly... And light reflects off of his uvula, melting or incinerating the object of his choice. Amazing. The kids told us all about it yesterday over breakfast.

I might also mention the game Small Head, which involves first choosing who will be the one with a small head. Next, large items are placed on the chosen individual's noggin, to make it, in contrast, appear abnormally small. Yes. I just learned about this after dinner tonight, when Jude called out, "who wants to have the small head?" I needed an explanation, and it was readily given.

So you see, this is why I can't stop smiling.

good, better, best all rolled into one

This weekend was beautiful. My perception is changing, improving. This is something that I've been asking for, praying for. Not just that I would have a better, more compassionate reaction to my children, but that I would see them differently when they are in need of discipline. That my reaction would be informed by viewing them through the filter of their potential and not through the filter of their mistakes.

We had a lot of time together as a family, and also Mommy/ girl time and Daddy/Jude time. It was the first weekend in a long time that we've all been really together the whole time. This is yesterday. My girls are as enthralled as I with the spring buds - "mom, I just want to kiss the buds, they're so beautiful!" I have a budding Anne of Green Gables on my hands. Which I love!

Genevieve with a magnolia blossom. Graphite on rag board.

know where to stop

Restraint is really hard for me. I enjoy simplicity, and yet there is something that always tugs at me to add just one more thing, one more picture to the wall, one more line to the drawing, one more stroke to the painting, one more sentence to the lecture. One more adjective to my already superfluous description. I just enjoy things. Words, lines, pictures, textures, contrasts, harmonies, groupings. Ah, see?

I attempted a simple line drawing, and still started to add in the contrasts, despite my intentions. I stopped, though.

Spirograph this

Spring has come on like a roaring lion. I can't say I'm sad about it, but I am hoping that there will still be some sweater-appropriate days. I love a good sweater. But the blossoms on the trees fill me with optimism. Even if I did spend the day yesterday yelling shrilly at the three small sweet souls that co-habitate with me. Sometimes, I really honestly think that they will hear me better if I scream. Even despite evidence to the contrary. I never considered myself an angry person until I had three little charges simultaneously disobeying me. How powerful is the ego.
Disobey me? How do you dare? When I just told you...????? HOW!?

Yeah. It's very pitiful, how I choose to ignore in myself the very essence of willfulness, and upbraid my kids for their human nature. Boy I sure do love the mornings , when I haven't screwed up yet, and I can hold my little babes and snuggle them and kiss them and we all feel that glow of new mercies. Today was a much much better morning than yesterday. My challenge is to allow for some missteps, and not throw the whole day out as a failure, before it's even half done. It's like when I was about 8 or so, and I wanted to complete an entire Spirograph pattern perfectly, no slips or skipped spots. If it wasn't perfect, it wasn't beautiful. Sigh. Working on it.

Speaking of beautiful. This odd magnolia blossom just tugs at my heart. It's not the usual magnolia with stiff, gorgeous, cup-like petals. This one has floppy, open, vulnerable, and noodly petals. They are haphazard and unstructured. It looks like its petals are floating underwater. It is completely charming to me, and utterly un-Spirograph-like. And beautiful. I'm not doing it justice. Pencil on rag board.

tomatoes and doves

I am cutting myself some serious slack with the posts/drawings this past week. You see, there was a wedding that my girls were in, and that I helped out with a little. It happened today, and what a beautiful and celebratory day it was.

Ok, so it happened Sunday... Apparently I am still cutting myself some slack. It takes some doing to get back in the swing of normal, non-partying it up life. In case you wanted to know, Jude told me this morning that I am "so nice, like a little tomato". Yep, the boy knows how to give a girl a compliment.

Doves. A little something I'm working on.

The day after Easter

There are several things that tell me (other than my fatigue) that this weekend was a long one:

8:30 AM and all the kids are still asleep.

The sliding van doors and back hatch were all still open this morning from last night's child and food unloading.

The keys were still in the lock. At least I drew the deadbolt.

9:30 AM, and one child is STILL sleeping!

I feel that perhaps I should have blogged more seriously about Easter, and what it means to me personally. But in spite of my trying to de-easterbunny this holiday, it still was fairly overtaken by kiddie fun.

But every day, I experience this reality. As I struggle with my own weakness, and again and again get filled. As I make mistake after mistake and find grace. I am given a free pass to speak to God, to feel his presence, to daily know the death that brings me life, and the resurrection that allows me over and over again, to die to my old self. It overwhelms me.

Happy Easter.

And here are some eggs. Oh, how I love these eggs. Pastel on board.