ok, I think I've got this... Thank you, God, for getting me to this point!
that's the minute that you start to unravel again.
I let my guard down, and gave glory to God. That's a good thing, don't get me wrong. A really good thing. It's just that those moments are the ones that really serve to piss off the darker forces at work, the ones who HATE when you feel good, and then give God the credit. Is 'piss off' a swear word? Anyway, life is just a lot of up and down, I guess. Unfortunately, I am a person who likes the easy times to stick around, I like a manual to be written out for me to handle certain situations with my children, times in which I am at a loss for words to explain the reason behind something, or when I might be speechless with anger or frustration. These times are frequent enough with 3 toddlers.
I feel, often enough, that I don't deserve these 3 cute little people, that I am going to scar them. I want them to retain this beautiful blush of innocence as long as possible, and I don't want to be a part of ruining that. I am human, of course, and they realize this, maybe. Just maybe, they understand that I make mistakes, too, but that I love them so much also. They certainly do forgive me. They gaze at me in adoration still, they go around the house singing, they hug me and kiss me, and tell me they love me, spontaneously, and sweetly.
I enjoy them. They love olives. They turn the lights on throughout the house with long handled serving spoons. They snuggle each other, and giggle under forts. They dance, and their eyes light up when they hear certain songs. They also put their feet in the toilet and track their pee around the house. They hurt each other, and watch how their teasing and grabbing can elicit a reaction. They are human, too. I am trying to be patient with them, as they repeatedly forgive my over-reacting.
5 comments:
I'm sorry, but--ding ding ding!!!--favorite sentence of the day:
"They turn the lights on throughout the house with long handled serving spoons."
Yep:)
That was my favorite sentence of the day too! Absolutely fantastic.
Feet in the toilet? Not so much.
But you are so right, Emily...they are human, just like you, and that means a lot of ups and downs. I'm human too, and like you, I prefer the ups -- my own and my kids'.
And I must say, you've got to respect little ones who like olives. They're in a class by themselves.
seriously, I mean I don't like em, but hey, I'm glad their palettes are broad.
It's the funniest thing they've been doing lately, and quite ingenious. They have circumvented the rule about "no standing on chairs", and have found a way to exercise some control. I get it - I like control a lot myself!
It's okay to unravel sometimes. I will even go so far to say that, as a knitter, you know that sometimes things have to be unraveled so that it can be made better. It's a painful process, to be sure. Hang in there. HUG.
Emily... I love reading your blog! And this one made me smile inside and settle again, as I know this - that I'm human and my kids are human, but some days I feel so annoyed at myself for so many mistakes, and worry so much about screwing them up (can't help but wonder whats going to come out in counselling in 20 years!!).... but reading this just makes me stop again and realise its OK - well its OK to admit that we're not perfect, and there's grace and the thing I lvoe the most with my girls now is that they are getting that I make mistakes, and have recently started saying off their own accord ' I forgive you mummy' when I mess up -this melts me every single time -and I figure thats one of the most important lesson right... that they learn how to forgive(:
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