a painting

I've spent the last week painting and repainting a canvas. The good news is that I painted almost every night last week. The bad news is that while I still retain some of the vestiges of my drawing ability, it seems like I have lost all painting chops. And then I got my hands invaded by an awful Bob Ross-like dotty syndrome. It was kind of terrifying. But by the end of the week, my brain seemed to kick back in. I was in the laundry room, just kind of staring in disgust at the 4th or 5th paint-over of the week, when I suddenly saw in my mind what the paint strokes should look like. Then I felt so silly to have truly forgotten what my paintbrush was supposed to be doing. I should have documented the progress, but it was so hideous, really, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

All weekend, I thought about finally getting back into it, and painting over that travesty in my laundry room. Tuesday night I finally did, and while the result is not awe-inspiring, it at least feels like me, and I can recognize something there. I worked a bit more last night, just to be sure it wasn't a fluke, and painting was still my friend. I do dislike acrylics heartily, and it's no replacement for oil, but I will use what I have and spare my kids the fumes in the living room for now. I do have an exhaust fan in the bedroom, though, and I may just have to work something out between my love of oil paint, my family's health, and that fan.

I am trying to find a balance between making choices that are uniquely mine (in my paintings), and yet referencing the truth. I find it hard. If I work from a photo, or life, I can get a bit carried away by the details, and the life(ironically) goes out of the painting. However, I am not so great with working completely from my mind. Yes, this is boring stuff, but I am desperately trying to get back in the swing. I have a project that is very close to my heart, and I really need to be in good shape, artistically. Now that I have mentioned being in good shape, I will complain a bit and say that time to myself is very limited, and so my working out time has been completely usurped by painting time. It's actually quite frustrating... can't I be in shape and do a little artwork? Perhaps I shall have to work out a schedule. That's not my strong suit.