the gorgeous ordinary

Dan's been checking the blog for new posts every day, and I believe he is getting annoyed at my lackadaisical attitude.  But let's face it, I am tired.  And lazy.  And I feel guilty when I take time to draw if the house is a mess.  And the house. Is. A mess.

But I knocked out four hours on the second mural today, and that I can feel good about, because it's big, and I made progress, and it's for someone else, and there's that small matter if it also being paid work.  So no guilt there.  

About the house.  I am ok with general upkeep on a regular week.  But change up the schedule, send me away for a weekend, put my kids in camp, add on extra laundry loads, and I am thrown for an awful loop.  I'm not sure why. I get overwhelmed and cranky, and I think a bit depressed.  If it's actually depression, though, it's mild, because I can get out of it with a bit of effort, loud music, and some headway made in housecleaning.   

But its so very easy to slip back in.  I'm cranky with my small boy, who is just asking me annoying questions to keep my focus on him, to engage me in conversation.  He doesn't mean to be annoying.  And really, he's not, he's just four.  So while I'm driving, I reach behind me to his little leg, and squeeze it, and let him know that my focus is on him, and I love him, and I'm trying again.  He takes my hand in both of his, and presses his honest little lips to my palm.  I can feel his unbelievable bouncy cheeks on my fingers.  And just like that, I'm back in the moment. 

I'm tired this morning, driving the girls to horse camp.  And Viv tells me that provolone cheese is "one dimensional".  What?  This starts a good conversation about one dimensional versus two-dimensional, and I am impressed with both my six-year-old's recall, and her awesome Kindergarten teacher.  Back in the moment.  Why would I ever leave it?

Rowan gives me a super long kiss on my cheek at bedtime tonight.  I ask her if she thinks longer is better, and she explains that it's like a gas tank, and she just put in lots of love.  I'm not sure if my heart just constricted or grew a grinchy size, but I'm back in it.  Now to just stay in it a little longer, clean the kitchen, and watch a movie with my best friend.  This won't be hard.  These moments are a gorgeous strand of ordinary, dazzling beauty.

mural detail. Long shadows, clasped hands, dancing feet: