getting to know you, getting to know all about you...

This is a jolly little person who I kinda like. He is rowdy and rough, as well as cuddly, sweet, and pretty smart. He doesn't say much, but his personality is starting to really develop. He thinks that his sisters are the coolest, and crawls around after them all day. But he doesn't like it when they sit on his Mommy's lap. He could walk if he wanted to, I think, but he likes to crawl, because he can move like lightening on all fours. His will is strong, but he is super affectionate. Jude is my fat little bundle of happiness.

Rowan is my dreamy child. She has finally stopped wearing this tutu every single day, all day, with her Cinderella shoes. She loves to sing, and once I sang my way through "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" a la Opera Man, she started singing her every word. I love it. She is dramatic to a fault, and cuddly like a little puppy. She has a touch of OCD I think... she wants things to be pronounced correctly, and doesn't like her socks to be twisted.

Genevieve likes her berries, acorns, rocks, walnuts, whatever out-of-doors collectibles she can get her hands on. And she likes to have her collections documented for posterity. She is full of imagination, and her mechanical mind is always leading her to make interesting arrangements and towers with odd groupings of household items. Her knowing little smile is full of humor, and she would prefer to fall asleep with her arms wrapped around one of her parents, as close as close gets.

The funny little idiosyncrasies of my kids are one of the things that keep me going. These days I don't feel much like I am handling things very well. I lose my patience, I get overwhelmed, I look forward to nap time. But they are always surprising me with how resilient they are, how forgiving they are, how much they love me. Having them all so close in age is unbelievably crazy right now, but I know that in a couple of years it will get easier. At least I like to think so. The challenges will change, at least, and there will be a time when the laundry is not filled with peed-on clothes. That's my light at the end of the tunnel!

It's no wonder we feel confused

The things that have been going on lately are just unreal. In a relatively short amount of time (the last 10 weeks or so), we have experienced a violent swing of events and emotions. There has been an engagement, 3 weddings, a tragic accidental death, a healthy birth of twins, an earth-shattering suicide, and just last night, what appears to be another attempted suicide, which Dan witnessed and helped to prevent.

What can be said about all of this? This chaos is what life is made up of, and yet, this seems like a ridiculously concentrated dose of huge events, some horrific and others beautiful. These events have also occurred disproportionately within Dan's circle of friends, family, and working relationships, especially the really difficult ones. This is wearing on him, and I feel helpless to alleviate the stress and emotional strain under which he finds himself. Honestly, I find myself blankly wondering how he is doing it, how he can even attend to the little voices of his adoring children, or the incessant calls and emails of his evening job, while also contemplating the possible loss of his day job.

The constant circle of life, death, love, and loss has never been so present, or so contradictory, and I feel that I am appreciating small moments more. I am strangely finding the time to draw and sketch more, also, and this time to find my center puts my small stresses into perspective. My heart continually returns to Psalm 40:

I waited patiently for the Lord;

And he inclined to me and heard my cry.

He brought me up out of the pit of destruction,

out of the miry clay,

And he set my feet upon a rock making my

footsteps firm.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise

to our God;

Many will see and fear

And will trust in the Lord

Birthdays and Grey Hairs

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH

I am so stinking tired. But I feel pretty good, otherwise. Life with toddlers has been far from easy, as they are all (including Jude) pushing me hard and testing their boundaries. However, I am keeping my cool, outwardly at least, even though I do yell sometimes. Who doesn't, right? Today was the girls 3rd birthday. Wow, three years old already, and Jude is nearly one. The girls got a lot of good stuff for their birthday, but I somehow ended up getting them a whole slew of thing with polka dots... boots, umbrellas, piggy banks, underwear, even wrapping paper! Goodness, how did I manage to do that without even realizing? fortunately, they like polka dots.

Ok, so it isn't "today" anymore, I mean it isn't last Thursday... I have had a really hard time finding the time and motivation to post. For one thing, I rarely get a decent night's sleep, and so when I have a little time alone, it usually turns into a nap. For another thing, my kids seriously resent it when I look at a computer screen for more than 30 seconds. It's just not worth trying - it took me 30 minutes last night to type out an email, because they just couldn't stand my attention being so absorbed by something other than them. Oh, my darlings!

So, I have noticed that I have a lot more grey hairs than I did 3 years ago... and in the typical temple region, so that if I pull my hair back they are very noticeable. Sigh. These two are without a doubt responsible for this! I guess they are worth it... just maybe... Here they are, looking remarkably similar. Hey, are they twins? Um, yeah. You wouldn't believe how many people ask me that. I suppose I should just dress them the same all the time, to avoid confusion.

My Dear One

senorita slacker, here, is trying to post something that has been stewing for weeks... anyway, I will try to get some of it out now. Dan recently had a birthday, and I just really wanted to mention in a thousand words or less how wonderful he is to me. Seriously, he works two full time jobs to keep our bills payed, our health insurance great, our living space secure, food in our bellies, and Mommy at home with the three midgets, because in these early years we feel that it's important. He works his fingers to the bone at two jobs which he does not particularly love, and he does it for us. This kind of love is overwhelming and humbling.

Beyond all of this, he is hilarious, and I am so happy that we still keep each other laughing, that we still can tease each other that 'I am the funny one', as if there is only room for one humorous person in the relationship, and that as time marches on, it just adds more layers of meaning and enjoyment to our inside jokes. He makes our kids laugh, and they get his sense of humor, like when he calls them the wrong name on purpose, and they respond by calling him 'Mommy'. I hope he imparts to them his sense of confidence as they grow older, because it is just so pleasant to be around someone who is at ease in their own skin, who makes no apologies for being himself. In short, I am lucky to have married the man I was meant for, and although it has taken me about 3 weeks just to finish this post in half-minute increments, I will just go ahead and say it... Happy Birthday my Dear One! I love you.

the knitting bug

INSPIRATION:

TRANSLATION:

They can't be identical, and here is my proof

Rowan's post-nap coif
Genevieve's practically perfect hair - how she wakes up like this is beyond me.

They both had ponytails, I took out the rubber bands, and tucked them in. The results are quite varied, I would say. And genetically dissimilar.

As I was helping Rowan assemble 8 layers of dress up clothes, she graciously kissed me on the cheek with a sweet smile and told me I was "just like God-Mudder". Glad to help all your dreams come true, honey bun. Bippity boppity boo.

an upswing, I think

Okay, so fall has really been something so far. I love the fall, but I have just been exhausted, not getting enough sleep, and the only time I have for blogging is when Jude is asleep, and he sleeps in the room with the computer (our bedroom). I don't generally want to risk waking him, but today, for some reason, I am reasonably sure that his deep sleep will remain deep. This boy is a source of much joy and hilarity for all of us. He is energetic, playful, funny, stinking cute, and very affectionate. But he is a normal baby, and his newest normal developmental stage is the discovery of gravity. he drops things constantly, and then expects them to be handed right back. He whines when the object is not returned to him. Little Booger.

I know that my girls were exceptionally easy babies. I mean unbelievably, practically perfect, Mary Poppins babies. So much so that I wondered if maybe they wouldn't be particularly smart - just happy, content, kind little people. I was fine with that possibility. I know now that I just had a very blessed babyhood with them. They never even drooled! I am serious! Of course, now, I am realizing how very smart and clever they really are, it just didn't kick into high gear until 2 years of age. I am fine with that, also, but man - what a difference between their babyhood and their precocious toddler-hood, plus a wild baby boy!

They are amazing me more every day, with their long sentences and their different senses of humor. I really enjoy their mispronunciations, also... meatlove (meatloaf), meep balls (meatballs), oapmeal (oatmeal), I don't know why, but the best ones seem to be food related. Oh, and stum (thumb) is another favorite of mine. I like these late afternoon photos... they just have a warm glow that makes me happy.
I got an hour long nap today, and I feel optimistic about things. Potty training is a very slow process, but it is mostly due to the fact that I am not very proactive about it.. I think the girls would have mastered it long ago if I would have just stepped up my game a bit... but slow is okay with us; I just really have to watch that I don't feel bad about it when people ask me why they are not trained yet. After all, it has been my own choice to take it easy, and it isn't anything to feel either guilty or competitive about. Bedtime is getting better, thanks in part to a renewal of patience and consistency on Dan's and my side of things, and some good advice from a fellow mother of twins (thank you, Clare!).

The girls were much more concerned that I take pictures of their "fwudders" (which is their fantastic was of saying flowers ), than of them. I tried to do both. And yes, I know that they are grasses, not flowers, but the girls will not be convinced of this.

As far as my general well-being goes, I am on an upswing, I think. But realistically, there is a lot of up and down in life and parenting, and I am learning , slowly, how to take these peaks and valleys in stride. Sort of. Sometimes.