and this is how I feel

I'm pretty pissed off right now. I'm vaguely aware that that might be vulgar or crass or unseemly of me to say. But that is how I feel, and it isn't pretty.

I feel like I'm fighting off an anxiety attack, and keeping at bay my tendency to list my grievances, thereby blowing up my present frustration to epic proportions. I feel like I'm mad at my kids for being sick, and mad at myself for not being able to make them better. They were pretty much on the verge of being all better, after weeks of one thing after another after another. And now they are going downhill again, due to not enough rest, or a newly loosened batch of mucous in their lungs, or Daddy picking up a new bug from his weekend away, or all of the above.

But this is my life, and we are going to take it one hour at a time, one dose of medicine at a time, and I'm going to take a deep breath and stop clutching frantically at my head. And I'm going to sketch a little and pray a lot, and rest now, while I can.